I was pregnant with my first child when I was 25 years old. My husband was 24 years old. We were living in a rented place, sharing a flat with another 4 friends. The first thing we decided to do after we found out that we were pregnant was to buy two life insurance policies ( quite a small sum now that we think about it, but we were 25/24 years old then).
We excitedly announced to my husband’s parents about our very mature and responsible action. His dad replied, looking utterly confused, “Why do you need to buy insurance? Don’t you have faith that God will take care of you?”
I was appalled and mad at his response. What did insurance have anything to do with my faith in God? Was my father-in-law a cave man with such blind faith?
Almost 10 years on, did I get any closer to comprehending that blind faith? Well, I bought even more insurance.
Have you watched Money Heist, the most popular international show on Netflix now? I watched Season 1 then stopped. I could not watch a show with a known ending. Similarly, I find life a struggle when I know that it is temporal and the ending is supposedly heaven. Some days ( like these few days) when life throws me struggles, I find myself asking God what this is all about. Can He just quit testing me?
The last song at mass this Sunday sent me to tears, unexpectedly.
"Give us faith Lord, when the mountain's too high Be our hope Lord, when the road is too long Teach us love Lord, let it blaze in our hearts And shine to Your glory o God When You bid us to stand before You And we tremble before Your might May we find in Your presence the home that we seek And live our days in Your sight"
Instead of hurrying out of the door quickly after mass, I knelt down and said a quiet prayer.
” I get it Lord. Most days, I get it, Lord, that life is a journey. I know I should view these struggles as opportunity for growth. I teach my young children that lesson but here I am, being impatient and just want to skip to the end. On tough days like these days, give me faith, give me strength, give me hope. And I am sorry for buying insurance.”